Feeling Sad

Out of the blue yesterday, I started crying while driving. I was thinking about Ethan starting kindergarten soon and I realised I really don't want him to go. I guess it could be that I don't want him to grow up? I don't know. I still have this burden on my heart about homeschooling. I don't know why it's still there. We had compromised on Christian school and then when that didn't work out we settled on the public school and I thought I was okay with it. But I guess I'm not. Five seems to young to send a child away for 6 hours a day. I really feel like he needs more maturing before he's ready to be pushed out of the nest and into the world. I'm not sure why I still have this desire since we've made a decision about his schooling. This burden to homeschool the kids started when Ethan was about 18months and really has never gone away. I really feel like this is a burden God placed on my heart and gave me the desire for because I NEVER wanted to before. But Ethan is going to public school and I wonder why is the homeschooling thing nagging at me? Gosh, once they are both in school I'll have so much time to myself I won't know what to do! Why would I want to give that up to educate them? So here I am crying again, Ian sitting on my lap, and I'm wondering why God hasn't taken this away from me?